Hair-raising issue

Have you realized how few hairstyles are available for middle-aged and elderly men? There seems to be some unwritten rule about male hair that takes effect sometime in a man's 20's or 30's. The days of flowing locks, spiked hair and mo-hawks coincide with the days of adolescent immaturity and academia.

Nugs, chillin' and grindage

The "real world" isn't too fond of many hair styles. Short, well-kept hair is acceptable. The part is a favorite for millions of guys. I suppose there's nothing inherently wrong with these hairstyles. It's sad though when you look back in history and see the hairstyles that used to be acceptable but aren't any more. Mullets, powdered wigs and pompadours were cool at one point or another.

The problem arises when men start to bald. I don't know if it's an ego thing, an image thing or what, but some guys need to get a grip. Either cut it short or shave it all off. Comb overs are absurd. It's like covering up a hickey with spaghetti: it doesn't mend the situation and you're just making the situation worse.

There are so many alternatives to comb overs. Buzz cuts look fine. Sure, the top of your head might shine brighter than the North Star but at least you don't have seven hairs struggling to stretch across the empty void on top of your head, calling attention to the problem instead.

Shaving the head also works. Your head may look like a 13-year-old girl's legs after her first shave from time to time but at least you don't look like Carl Levin, or worse, Arthur Scargill.

No sir, I was not aware there is a small animal on my head.

If all else fails, wear a hat. There are a plethora of different styles. Baseball cap, cowboy hat, fedora, top hat, straw hat and beret. Hell, there's even a hat designed specifically for balding men. It's called "Flair Hair" and, if you aren't too shy, looks great.

I blame society for this problem. If only there were more male hairstyles to choose from this global crisis would have been averted a long time ago. In the mean time, middle-aged men can look to Ron Artest, Tim Tebow and Justin Bieber for inspiration.