Did I do that?

Have you realized how "inappropriate" some completely natural bodily functions are? Some are obvious. Others, even more obvious.

What happens when he comes to life?

Most of us are taught manners as a child. Most of us listen to what our parents tell us about manners. Most of us, however, have never thought about why we aren't suppose to do certain things in public, some of which are completely natural, everyday occurrences.

One of the most obvious socially unacceptable, completely natural bodily functions is farting. Whether you call it cutting the cheese, passing gas, breaking wind, tooting, etc. most people would be appalled if you let one rip in the middle of a lecture or dinner party.

Why is this? Why can't we just fart whenever our body is ready to?

Sure, it smells sometimes but honestly, how can you think a fart isn't funny? We have been conditioned to view farts as unacceptable so much that our society has come up with countless excuses for the dirty deed. Some of my favorites include...

• Barking spider
• Burping frogs
• Seat cushion
• Ducks
• Geese

They are deceptively cute - silent but deadly.

The problem is, an excuse like that won't work in public. Instead, we are forced to hold it in until we are by ourselves or in a noisy place. We are forced to hold it in while the pressure builds up inside of us. We are forced to hold it in while young children and elderly people fart up a storm, much to the delight of everybody else.

Another example - with a bit of a double standard mixed in - is relieving oneself in public. Now, I'm not saying people should go around crapping on sidewalks and peeing all over public buildings. That would be disgusting. I'm simply pointing out the fact that if someone were to crap (just like farts, we have an array of terms to describe defecating: crapping, pooping, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, bowl movement, Number 2, etc.) on the sidewalk or pee on a public building, people would once again be appalled.

Also, the double standard involved in relieving oneself in public is outrageous. Men seem to be able to pee wherever they want: trees, bushes, cars. Women however have to wait until a bathroom comes wandering through the woods. That is, unless she wants to face a lifetime of ridicule for peeing in public.

It's even illegal in some places.

At least bodily functions in public serve some type of purpose: humor. Lots of movies have scenes involving bodily functions in public places. Step Brothers, Blazing Saddles, and Dumb and Dumber come to mind.